happyfish: (jack slash ianto)
Holy crap, haven't updated this in ever.

I still think it's somewhat amusing that my first thought upon hearing that my niece was born with a bunch of red hair was 'Red will be pleased.' I've seen her once since she was born and she is so cute! I'm still trying to get my head around the fact that my brother has a kid, although I'm sure he'll be a brilliant dad.

My parents came back for a couple weeks to see the baby, even though she was late, and left again last Friday. I've never had them around in the middle of the semester, and it was weird. Difficult to get everything done for midterms when I'm suddenly rearranging my life around other people. Not that it was all bad. They gave me rides home from work, and once I got sick started bringing me tea trays and such. And they were pretty good about understanding that I don't like worship music and therefore not playing it around me. Course, maybe they just find that having me glowering in a corner is really non-conducive to worshiping, but you know. It works.

I've been pretty stressed out, recently. I used to have a list in my head off all the things that I was worried about, but I can't remember it anymore. Which is probably a good thing. Having the parents gone again helps a lot. And getting all of that extra sleep after falling sick also helped. Still sort of worried about Trevor, though, 'cause we were supposed to have a talk about all the shit that's going down in his life. But there hasn't been time.

Had my birthday party on Saturday. Actually, it was the weekend of birthday parties. Sherina's birthday was on Friday. Trev flew her mom in secretly on Thursday night, which was kind of the best thing ever. A group of us went to Denny's after the show, and kept Sherina facing away from the door and completely in the dark about what we were planning. I think we almost had her half-convinced that we were actually planning an orgy. She jumped so much when her mom snuck up behind her. It was great! Then I think she started crying, and Christine got it all on video, because we're sensitive friends like that.

Anyway, so Sherina had her party on Friday. We went bowling, which was awesome. Even though I had to wear women's shoes in a size five, which was sort of awful. Stupid small feet. But I didn't suck as badly as I thought I would, and actually beat Sherina's score on the second game. *gloats* Then we went back to Lyn's house to play pictionary and not get drunk.

Since Alice in Wonderland came out that weekend, obviously we had to go for my party, and obviously we had to go in costume. I didn't actually expect almost everyone to show up in costume, and awesome costumes at that. There were a lot of bemused people at the theatre, who snuck pictures when they thought we weren't looking. I was the Cheshire Cat, because I could just sort of throw it together out of stuff I had, grin really big and scare small children. Or Trevor. Same difference. Chawna and Justine dressed up as Tweedledee and Tweedledum, with corsets and spinny hats, and I think they were my favourites of the night. Especially when they found out they could make the propeller on the hats spin by running back and forth flailing their arms. XD

It was a good weekend. It's been hard trying to get back into the spin of things. Especially 'cause I had a fever off and on from Wednesday till yesterday. I missed two days of school, but think it's pretty much gone now. Just got a sore throat, which is annoying, but at least manageable.

Anyways, off to do productive things.
happyfish: (Mine)
  • So I broke up with Eric last Wednesday. It just - I'm too busy with school and everything for a relationship, let alone a relationship, and someone else. It took forever for me to get the courage to say anything, especially since he got me a V-day present, which just made me feel guilty. It went well, I think? I feel better now that it's over. As much as I'm afraid of hurting anyone, I think it's better than making promises I can't keep.
  • As a result, I was mostly single for V-day. Trev and Chawna came over in the evening. We played the Wii, made some ridiculously scary Miis, and laughed a lot. Sherina came over around midnight, and I had to kick them all out at two so I could get some sleep. It was pretty amusing.
  • Reading week! I must remember to get homework done. And try to get some stuff prepared for the Show and Sale. I will be in it this time, damnit!
  • Becoming obsessed with Dr. Who. *glee*
  • Sherina came over last night, to hang out and...stuff. ;) We were going to postpone till Wednesday, 'cause she was a little tired. Good thing we didn't! Apparently that's the day the parents come home. I thought it was Thursday. That would have been awkward. O.o
  • Sleeping in is wonderful. My eyes have stopped twitching due to fatigue.
happyfish: (allo)
Winter holidays went way too quickly. It was like I'd never left the school at all. Still, I got lots of sleep in, and the down time was very much needed. It's nice to be back at school again. The parents are gone, and I've the freedom that only comes from no-one calling you constantly wondering if you'll be home for supper. :/ I must remember to relish it; they'll be back again soon enough.

Trev had his surgery last week. Actually, almost everything ended up happening on the sixth. Kait left, my parents left, it was the first official day of school, AND Trevor had his surgery. I think I went grocery shopping. Maybe. I'd said good-bye to Kait the day before, after spending most of the afternoon at the Blue Howse. It was weird to see all the artwork gone and her bedroom almost completely empty. Sad. Still, I managed to not cry, neither when we were actually saying good-bye, nor at work afterwards. So that was good. Saved my man-steriour and all. XD

I went over to Lyn's on Sunday, to talk about something she wants to work on, and to see Trevor for the first time since his operation. It was his chest surgery, so now he's pretty much done his transition. I am both really happy for him, and kind of jealous. It's a little scary, too, 'cause he says it's the most pain he's ever been in, and he's been in a LOT of pain before. Not looking forward to that part of my surgery, but it'll be so worth it in the end.

But, I digress. I hung out at Lyn's all day Sunday, pretty much. Got to see Trevor's chest once most of the people left (which looks fucking awesome!), and had some really good conversations with Lyn. Sherina drove both Trevor and me home that evening, 'cause we were both going up to Edmonton stupid early the next day. I baked a batch of cookies, which apparently makes me look like a mad scientist, and then went to bed sometime around midnight.

I woke up at five. It wasn't pretty. Hobbled around and got ready to go, and then Laura picked us up at around six. We made pretty good time: my appointment was at ten and we were there at nine-thirty. Though poor Trevor felt every single bump on the road. I was pretty nervous once we got to the waiting room. This was the day that I could get my referral in for chest surgery. I was pretty certain I'd get it, but still. This was big. It was alright once we got in there. He asked a lot of the same questions that he did before. Carol was there, er...she's and intern or something? Anyway, she'd never met me before, so she had a few questions, too. Then he asked me if I had any questions, and I said I wanted a referral for surgery.

He said sure. Which is just starting to sort of sink in. I got my referral! I am one step farther along! It's kind of crazy. XD

I booked my next appointment, and then we bummed around for a bit. Trev had to get his drain tubes out in the afternoon. Which he did, and I filmed part of, though the nurse was crabby and wouldn't let us film most of it. I called in to work, saying that there was no way I could make it to work on time, since it was three by then and I had to work at six. Then we drove home.

Not much has happened since then. Been doing lots of thinking. My internet is down; I'm using one of my neighbour's networks. Sh! Don't tell them. I called Telus today, but I can't get a new modem without the account number. And OF COURSE my parents threw out all of the old bills so I don't have it. So I'm ticked off, 'cause this connection sucks and I'd rather use ours. You know, IF IT WORKED.

Anyways, I should go off and do homework like a good student. Just thought I'd try and catch up a bit.
happyfish: (sparkly jack)
Christmas was great. We didn't have company over on Christmas Eve like we normally do, which meant less stress for everyone. Instead, we went over to Ben and Amanda's place for food and hanging out. Which was pretty neat. They've lived there for over a year now, and this is the first time we've seen it. There was so much food there, it was sort of ridiculous.

Mom made three batches of non-vegan cookies. I still don't understand that; between the three of us, she's the only one that can eat them. Apparently we're hoping the company Mom and Dad have over on New Year's Eve will eat all of them. And it's kind of funny: she liked the cookies I made the best. And they were the vegan ones. XD

I got lots of stuff on Christmas. The biggest thing was the Wii. I was totally not expecting it at ALL, so it was rad. Ben and Amanda got me Mario Kart as well, which is a lot of fun. And then I got some clothes, three movies (Up, Star Trek, and the Fifth Element), Bloodhound by Tamora Pierce, and some other stuff I can't remember off the top of my head. Kait gave me some stuff that she wasn't going to use or bring to London, and a letter that probably would have made me cry had I not been in the living room with my parents watching.

We spent most of Christmas making food and watching movies. I made stuffed squash, and it was fabulous. Mom seems to really like all of my vegan food, which is good. And maybe they'll even stop asking me how I'm eating, 'cause it always seems to imply that I'm starving to death, or going to catch scurvy, or become totally protein deficient or something. I swear, if someone else asks me how I get enough protein on a vegan diet, I'm going to break their nose.

I worked Boxing Day. It wasn't as bad as I expected retail on Boxing Day to be. Perhaps because everyone was at Futureshop and Best Buy, so they really didn't care enough about Home Depot and our really lame Boxing Week sales. I was going to see Avatar with the parents that night, but I was too exhausted from the nine-hour workday, so I had a nap instead. We're going sometime this week. I have most of it off (yay!), so there's lots of free time. 

Although I'll need to escape badly at some point this week so my parents don't drive me completely insane.

Yesterday I went over to Kait's and hung out with her and Clare, Alison and British Jon. It was pretty rad. Then we went to go see the Zoo Lights. I've never actually been before, so it was pretty interesting. And cold. And crowded. But, you know, it was pretty fun. And then part of the group went back to Kait's and we hung out and ate lots of food and made stupid fart jokes. Because we're classy. XD

Today's my last day of work until the second. I'm pretty stoked to have time off. I want to go shopping and buy some books, now that I can. Ben's also giving me his old mattress, 'cause he want's to make room for the baby, and I need to get a frame for it at some point. And those aren't cheap. Thank goodness for savings and overtime. Although I've no idea when he's going to get it here, or when I'll have time to coerce someone into driving me to Ikea, so I can buy more furniture than my budget can really allow. You know, what normally happens at Ikea. XD

I should do something productive today. Maybe I'll go play more video games.
happyfish: (Fall)
Gah! Busy. Tuesday was my Warneke appointment. Managed to get a ride up there with Laura, and the baby didn't cry as much as he could have. Eric went too, so he could book an appointment. I don't know who we're going to drag up next, we're sort of running out of Calgary transguys. xD Anyway, the appointment went well. It was sort of unexciting, really. Pretty much just me talking about my past and how I knew I was trans and stuff. Which I've done before, with that one psychiatrist I went to, and counsellors and stuff. I'm contemplating coming up with a song and dance about my gender history, just for interest's sake. And because it would be funny.
Wednesday  I ran errands like a madperson all morning, and then talked to my parents for a bit. Finally told them about going to Edmonton, and the possibility of surgery. There was about five seconds of complete silence when I told them, and I don't think they're really all that happy about it. They aren't saying anything though. Only comments about how they're glad I actually told them now instead of sending them an email six months from now.
Then Kait picked me up and we went to go see 9. Which was a completely awesome movie, btw. Some of the characters were so cute! I dunno. I've read a couple of lukewarm reviews about it, and Trev says the plot was 'unorganized' (whatever that means). I thought it was kind of brilliant.
Drag practice that night. We're getting ready for the Halloween show, which apparently involves a lot of twitching on the floors. And Thriller. We haven't even started learning Thriller yet. oh wells.
oh! And I made a fan page for Soul Patch. Because it's amusing.
Yesterday I went to another of Sarabeth's Jewellery classes, because I'd missed mine on Tuesday. I really don't want to get behind in this class, because I really don't know anything. Oh gods, the learning curve. Managed to actually get some work done on my samples, and learn a fair bit. I feel a lot better now than if I'd just stayed home. Better than about my drawing class, which I still haven't gone to. I got about half and hour of sleep Sunday night, so I skipped class. It might not have been the best idea, but I couldn't imagine trying to pull a fifteen-hour day off of no sleep. Without dying horribly.
Fibre today! And then work. oh work. James filled out a recommendation for me for Community Natural Foods. If I get the job, it's $11/hour, with 25% off of groceries. Which would be kick-ass. And plus I actually know a bit about natural foods and vegetarianism (etc) anyway, which is more than I can say about the products at Home Depot.

omg school

Sep. 5th, 2009 09:19 am
happyfish: (anyday)
So my parents are gone now. They left last Tuesday, which was a day filled with the normal amounts of chaos and panic that usually surround them whenever they leave the country again. I did manage to get used to them being here, but it took me less than a day to adjust to being on my own again. They're in Paris now, for their thirtieth wedding anniversary. I'm a little jealous, but not too much.
Tuesday night I went to go print out king cards and the new MYN pamphlets with James and Jen. It was nice to get away from all of the craziness at home. The king cards, which I made, look pretty freaking awesome. A little blurry, but not bad considering it's my first time doing something like this. MYN will also have stickers to sell at Pride that I made, so this summer's been really good for my CV. Hopefully James has received the stickers, otherwise I'll be kind of sad.
I didn't get home until almost midnight that night. Then I spent most of Wednesday cleaning and going grocery shopping. My parents left quite a mess when they left, but whatever. Freedom! I have to use bus tickets to get around, because my sponsor still hasn't gotten in touch with ACAD. I've sent them two emails now telling them that it'd be really nice to be able to get my locker and bus pass, no late fees, etc. No response. The last email I sent yesterday, so hopefully I get a response pretty soon. If I don't, I may just pay my tuition myself and make them pay me back. It would suck, but I'd rather do that then get a $70 late fee because my sponsor is being retarded.
Thursday was Fake Mustache. Kate Reid, a Canadian lesbian singer-songwriter, was our special guest. Trevor managed to get her to come and perform for us and all we had to do was pay her gas money. She is amazing. omg. So cute and funny, and totally had a wicked time at the show. We kept trying to drag her onstage, but she only relented for Trevor near the end of the night. We did a couple of Soul Patch numbers, so there was cheesy boy band numbers complete with fan and flying rose petals. In all, a wicked show. And apparently Kate Reid thinks I'm cute. xD
Yesterday was my first class of the term. Cloth Dyeing and Painting with Bill Morton. Lacy is in my class! glee. It looks like it's going to be pretty awesome, all around. I'm really excited. It's nice to be back at school finally. The summer was way too long and boring. The fall looks like it's going to be pretty busy (I've had to colour-code all of my calendars just to make things a little easier) but otherwise awesome.
Pride this weekend! Hurrah!
happyfish: (Johnny Depp with a spoon on his nose)
Been busy. Home Depot hired me last week, and I've been working almost every day since. It's been pretty good, the job isn't so hard. The coworkers seem pretty cool (in a crazy sort of way). I'm not used to being on my feet for eight hours anymore. The first couple eight-hour shifts I had, I was hobbling at the end of the day. Not cool. Still, it should get easier. And if they keep putting me on lot I might not have to work out so much. Which would be neat.
Other than that, not much has happened. My life is pretty much work and MYN stuff at this point. Soul Patch is working on more dance numbers for the Rocky Horror show on Sept. 6th. It's going to be pretty epic. I get to be felt up by four of the kings in leather. Which will probably become somewhat less embarrassing the more we practice.
I'm really excited for school to start again. Even though it means I'm going to be crazy busy, what with Pride and work and various other volunteer stuff that I have to do as well. Still, I've missed school, and art, and all of the crazy people that I pretty much can only see at school. Plus the tribe is sending my living/book money, and then I'll actually be able to buy things that I need. Like socks with no holes in them, and new underwear. It'll be exciting. xD
I've decided to try and go vegan as of September 1st. We'll see how it goes. I've been collecting recipes for months, because it's something I've wanted to do for a while, and I think I have the ability to do it in a not-stupid way now. Plus, a couple of Sundays ago I watched the movie Earthlings at Sarah's with Jen, Jess, and Taz. It was one of the most heartbreaking movies I've ever seen. I don't think I can continue to eat meat knowing what happens to the animals that it comes from, and honestly I've never really liked meat that much anyway. The only thing that prevented me from becoming vegan back when I was vegetarian before was because I liked cheese too much. I can't eat cheese anymore.
So yeah. We'll see how it goes. I haven't told my parents yet. I want to put off the lectures on nutrition and 'but how are  you going to get enough protein?' for as long as possible, thanks. And if I start in September, they won't be here, and then if I move out by next summer (when they are tentitavely coming back for good), then I won't have to live with them ever again. Which would be freaking amazing. I love them to bits, but I'd be so much happier if I didn't have to put up with them every day.
Guess that's it. Off to go eat lunch now. mmm...lunch.

happyfish: (jack slash ianto)
I still find it rather amusing that less than a week before Dad came home, two of our appliances decided to stop working. Dad's managed to get the freezer to work again (although the bottom is now filled with bloody ice, which is rather disgusting). We got a new washer and dryer yesterday. I'm still not sure what I think about having a dryer that actually functions. I'm so used to it taking two to three hours for my clothes to dry.
I've had two interviews for Home Depot so far. They're going to call my references and call me back for a third interview if those go well. Huh. I'm kind of hopeful though. Even if it's a crazy process.
Oh, and I got into all of my classes! Hurrah! Didn't even have to go whining to the Registrar, which is nice. So I'm in drawing (media and techniques), the dyeing class, and jewelry. Shiny.
I've been keeping busy designing posters and stickers for MYN. We're having a Halloween dance on Oct 30, which is awesome. And apparently I inadvertently made Misc Youth a mascot for all of our youth events. His name is Gibble, and he's ridiculously cute. Speaking of MYN, a group of kings are doing group numbers for the show next Thursday. To the Spice Girls and Backstreet Boys. We've been practicing for a month and you should totally come check us out. Because it's going to be wicked. We performed at the Good Life Bike one year anniversary celebration on Friday and there was much screaming.
Anyway, it's not so bad having Dad here. More wrong pronouns, because Mom and Dad talk about me as well as to me, and that's a little weird. I'm not really used to people using female pronouns for me anymore. But it's kind of nice to have someone else around who can do all of the things that Mom needs to get done (but can somehow never do herself), and who doesn't take three hours to go grocery shopping. It's kind of strange, too, because Dad's also taking testosterone, only the gel. So we've been comparing notes on what it's like.
I've come to love Sunday mornings, though. Because they're so wonderfully quiet.
Also my brother has gotten into the habit of saying 'that's so gay' and I kind of want to smack him every time he does. Or say something along the lines of 'No, Ben. I am gay. That is a barbeque.'
Sasha's coming back to Calgary to perform at the show! xD I'm so excited.
Yeah, that's it I guess. Life is good.

happyfish: (Screaming Owen)
There's a world of difference between doing something because it needs to get done and doing something because you've been 'asked' to. I keep telling myself that it's an exercise in patience, that she's probably as annoyed with me as I am with her. But it only helps sometimes. Other times I just want to tell her to fuck off, I'm busy. She says that if I ever get a room-mate, I'll have to get used to having someone around and working around another person's life and schedule. But you know what? Any roommate I get won't interfere with my life. They're not going to go through my laundry, tell me to completely remove all of my stuff from a room where I like to work because 'they don't want to look at a mess,' tell me how and when to feed my cat, or expect me to make them supper. A roommate will fucking leave me alone, and if they can't, then I won't let them live with me. Period.
Dad's coming home this week. As much as I love him, I am somewhat less than excited. I miss my independence.

On the other hand, I am completely excited for Phil and Kristy's wedding today!

updateness

Jul. 3rd, 2009 05:06 pm
happyfish: (Car)
Mom came back a week ago. It was pretty exciting. I mean, I haven't seen her since Christmas, and I knew she'd storm through the house and fill it full of food and such. It's also unexciting. I'm used to large amounts of time to myself, being able to be completely (or almost) self-sufficient. I can arrange the house in the way that best suits me, I can leave and not tell anyone where I'm going, I can feed the cat however much food that I think she needs. In short, I can be an independent adult, living in my own space. When Mom comes back, suddenly it's not my own space. I'd hesitate even to say that this is my home. It's just a house where I'm staying because I can't afford to stay anywhere else. And it's really annoying, sometimes. I know I can probably get used to living with someone else. I just need to be patient.
There are good things, though. She hasn't said anything about me being on T, hasn't told me she'd rather I stop or anything. She doesn't mind that my hair is blue. She's let me talk for half an hour about Misc Youth and what we're doing and why it's Important to have a youth organization specifically for queer youth. She's a lot better than she has been. Neither of us have really lost our tempers. There are just times when I'd love nothing more than to tell her to fuck off, I have important things to do.
I went over to Kait's last week to hang out and set things on fire. And I got to meet her coworker Dave, who is someone she never stops talking about. As it turns out, I know him from swing dancing, which was rather awkward. He walked in the door and the first thing he said was my old name. It was a little weird for the whole night, although he was pretty good about the whole name thing. He totally had no idea I was trans, although I daresay he knows now.
Drag show last night. We were competing with Stampede, and lost horribly. There were, at most, about eight people in the audience if you didn't include the kings. Still, we put on a good show for those who actually showed up, and I gave them free candy. I can't stand the Stampede. ugh. Can't wait till it's over.
Mom's gone to go rent a car. Excuse me, I must frolic in the wonderfulness that is my empty house.
happyfish: (rainbows)
The Vancouver trip was awesome. I needed to get out of the city so badly it was almost ridiculous. And, you know, road trips are always fun. I got to see all the cool people who up and moved to Vancouver in the past year, as well as spending huge amounts of time with Kait and Clare. Which sort of resulted in really bad jokes continuously, because we're like that.
And I got to see the best rainbow ever. A perfect double-arch. The sort of thing I knew was possible but figured never actually happened. Kait was so excited I thought she was going to drive into a tree. Fortunately, she didn't.
The Homo Hop was last Friday, and it was the first event that I'd ever organized. Not sure if I truly want to organize another event, even though it went amazingly well. Everything went smoothly, we got quite a few youth out and they all seemed to be enjoying themselves. The sound equipment worked (although apparently the set-up guy was an idiot), we had enough volunteers, and it was totally wonderful. All because we had the almost the best group of organizers ever, and because the drama-inciters no longer come to events.
It was so exhausting.
It seems like all the exciting events are over for the summer, though that's really not true. It's just kind of mind-numbingly boring to be unemployed all the time. I'm continuously applying at places. It doesn't seem to matter; no-one is calling me back. Having no money is lame. There are a bunch of projects I could be working on, like my online comic that I only sporadically update. I just have no motivation to do anything. Well, I taught myself 'Mad World' on the piano in a day, but other than that...I've been pretty useless.
I sent an email to my parents when I was in Vancouver to finally tell them that I'd started T. Their response was pretty much: 'Why didn't you tell us earlier?' I got to talk to them briefly on Sunday, and they didn't mention it, but they weren't upset either. It was the best response I could have possibly hoped for, really.
And my hair is blue.
happyfish: (pancakes)
This makes so much sense it's kind of crazy. See, I tend to sleep from two in the morning till ten in the morning. No matter how tired I am or anything. It's just what happens. hrm. Interesting.

Busy weekend. Friday was the art night thing over at the Tranny Shack. Sometimes I wonder why I bother leaving that place at all; I'd been there the day before for New Year's. (Feeding the cat has to be one of the reasons, and because it's impossible to get any sort of privacy there unless you're in the bathroom). I'm sort of planning on buying a toothbrush and just leaving it there. I sort of feel like a u-haul when I say that, only I don't know who I'm u-hauling. xD
Anyway, I hung out and drew and knitted and saw Sasha for the first time in months. It was good. I left at about nine-thirty to go home and say good-bye to the 'rents, since I was supposed to sleep through the night and not be awake when the cab came to pick them up at four in the morning. I went to sleep at seven, and woke at eleven. Fun times. I had to have a bath at five because my cramps had gone all the way down my legs and I couldn't exactly wrap the heating pad around my entire lower body.
Saturday I hung around the house all day (I must have slept or something. I don't remember what I did). And then I headed of to Lacy's for the Chthulu-mas Party of Doom. Where there was excessive amounts of food and people. I met Meg for the first time, and she's pretty cool. We share an obsession for socks. xD And there was this adorable kitty there who was mostly unfazed by the hordes of people and let me cuddle her, which was nice but covered me in cat hair.
Lacy got me this monster key-chain which has a belly-button! omg. xD
Sunday was the board meeting for MYN. It was pretty dull and functional and wonderful. The last board meeting I went to (in September) traumatized me for a month due to the sheer amount of unneccesary, ridiculous drama. Hurrah for functional boards! Then Trevor and I went hung out at Kait's mom's place, where we did secret things and ate excessive amounts of gluten-free muffins. I love Kait's mom. She's so awesome.
And then we went sledding. Oh sledding. I haven't gone sledding in years. It was wicked. And I was the only person who didn't get injured in some way or another. Although I don't believe I've ever gotten really hurt sledding. Winded, quite often, but never really hurt. *knocks on wood*
Then I came home and cleaned the kitchen. The things under the burners are now clean, and the garbage (which was leaking and smelly) is now gone. The kitchen is about half-done now, and I should hopefully finish the rest of it tonight. I find it interesting how my parents leave and suddenly I realize that there is so much cleaning that I have to do. And take down all the Christmas decorations. Which I should also do tonight. *sigh*
Trying not to eat anything until it's a more reasonable time to eat supper. I'm not sure if I'm actually hungry or just bored. School starts on Thursday. I don't know if I'm excited or not. Doing nothing is kind of fun.

ETA: on second thought, five seems like a fine time for supper. mmm...food.

happyfish: (insane snape)
So my parents left about half an hour ago. Which would make me happy (maybe) except I'm still awake.

I want to dig my uterus out with a spork.
happyfish: (Winter)
Christmas this year was pretty good, actually. Although it was a little too quiet without my brother around. Still, there were the stockings and the turkey and we finally bought a copy of the Muppet's Christmas Carol on DVD.

Interesting gifts I received included Rockband (yes!), computer speakers, a lemon zester, Jack Skellington slippers and a glittery rainbow lava lamp. I'm pretty happy. We're going to go see Bolt today, because as a rule we go see a movie on Boxing Day instead of braving the malls. We went to Chinook one year. It was bad.

I might be buying myself a laptop for Christmas. Because I really, really want one and I think it'll make my life a lot easier in terms of taking notes for school (two liberal arts courses next year, instead of just one), and...being faster and less of a piece of crap than my current desktop. ugh. I've been looking at some with my parents and they have, like, three times the memory of the current Piece of Crap. So. We'll see. It'll be exciting if I do.

I had the most awkward dream the other night. It was just wrong. o.o

whee!

Dec. 14th, 2008 10:01 am
happyfish: (Tumnus)
I had a dream where I was a dragonrider. It was really freaking cool.

My parents come home today. Trevor comes home tomorrow. It may be minus forty, but life seems pretty good right now.

wait...

Dec. 6th, 2008 10:08 pm
happyfish: (Pensive Jack)
I miss my parents.

yup.
happyfish: (Winter)
I FINALLY have an idea for my final silk-screening project. Joys. One that I might actually like when I'm done, but we'll see. It's my final chance to prove (to myself, mostly) that I can actually register when I make the effort. So I need to make the effort.

Had a pretty relaxing day, today. I managed to get quite a few things done, although mostly not for school. Still, I'm mostly prepared for the pitch tomorrow for ACAD200. All I have to do is write the conclusion of the pitch (which is the part I'm doing) and then remember what I wrote. It shouldn't be hard. We've talked so much about this project and what our goals are and what the vision of our corporation is that I'm not really afraid of forgetting what I'm talking about. I'm just glad I'm not answering questions.

Then comes the paperwork. I don't even know when we'll have time to meet again this week, as a group. I have things I'm doing every night from Wednesday to Friday, and then it's the Show and Sale. I don't know if any of the group is going to want to meet then. We'll see. Thursday night I'm hanging out with Kait, which is super awesome exciting. xD Friday is Chrysalis, and bowling.

Three weeks till the end of term. I know what all my final projects are and what I need to do for them (in theory, at least). Four weeks until my parents come home. Mom keeps asking me if I want to invite friends over for Christmas dinner. I don't know how to explain to her that the last time I brought friends over for dinner, it was so awkward we had to go and get drunk afterwards. She didn't think it was awkward. She just thought I was being rude because I didn't want Trevor and Connor to see my high school pictures. Oh parents.

Had a yogurt today, and then my stomach started hurting. I've mostly written off feeling sick as anxiety. But...I dunno. Maybe it's something I'm eating. Worth thinking about anyway. At least, if it's something I'm eating, I can just STOP eating whatever it is. Anxiety I just have to wait out, and it's sucky.

I should get back to work. Just waiting for the water to boil so I can make tea.
happyfish: (Fall)
I'd forgotten that, a couple days before Mom leaves, the house is full of chaos and all these stupid little tasks that Mom thinks are vital and need to be done immediately. Maybe I'm just bitchy; I just can't imagine why the Christmas presents for my various relations need to be wrapped in September. I'm going to have to wrap them anyway, why can't I just wait until December. Or even November? Does it all really have to happen now?
Seriously, I can't wait until she's gone. I want to move out so badly I can almost taste it. I know I can't, so I'm waiting for the next best thing. Maybe I should have talked to them, let them know why I'm uncomfortable here. I just can't see the good that it would do. Mom can't even understand why I'm embarassed to have her use female pronouns at me in front of my friends. And when I tried explaining it to her she laughed at me like I'm some stupid child throwing a tantrum over nothing. I'm sick of being humoured. I want them to take me seriously.
I've talked to friends who understand the 'parents turn me into an angry teenager' thing, so it might not just be me. Maybe it's a universal parent thing. Dunno.
Other than that, life's been good. Doing nothing is awesome, but I'm rather sick of it by now. I can seriously not wait for classes to start. (Although the beginning of classes also conincides with Mom's leaving. Two good things in one day!) This semester is going to be rad. On top of taking (hopefully) interesting classes, I've got drag and other MYN stuff and I'm thinking about going back to swing. Because I miss it. A lot. And I have a social life now. Spending a lot of time with Trev and Kait and the other awesome people living at the Blue Howse. I love my friends. They're amazing. I love having places where I can go and feel comfortable and accepted. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't.
My hair is purple now! So much fun. xD Although the 'wash with cold water' part is rather...uh...yeah. Cold.
Where did summer go? I swear it wasn't that long ago that it was nice and warm. Tonight it's going down to zero. ZERO. We'll probably have frost. Fall is coming. Halloween is coming!

happyfish: (Leaf on the Wind)
Heh. been rather busy I suppose. Mom and Dad started cleaning all the carpets before the relatives got here for the wedding, and last week they decided to finish all the rooms they'd missed. Which meant a lot of moving around of furniture and such, seeing as you can't clean the carpet if there's something on it. Part of the way through this process, when I was vacuuming out my brother's old room, I decided that I wanted it. It's larger than mine, and the walls are a nice blue colour. I'm kind of tired of people saying I have the gayest room ever, just because the walls are purple and I have these sparkly high heels that I used for an art project way back when. The blue walls help a little. Very little. heh. oh well.
Work's keeping me busy as well. I'm working 35-37 hours a week, despite the fact that when I got the job they told me I'd only be working 25. I'm almost over probation, which doesn't really matter much anymore. I'm planning on handing in my two-weeks notice soon. I want a couple weeks off before school, to relax a bit and hang out with friends.
Last week they offered me a supervisor position in a different department. It was - weird. Flattering, I guess, in a way. I'm glad that my work is appreciated and all. I enjoy my job, I really do. I like the atmosphere now that some of the annoying people are gone and we have a good supervisor now. I like being good at something, even if that something wasn't that hard to begin with. And I definitely like having money in the bank. Especially now that it's not all going to disappear as soon as September rolls around. I think I might get a tattoo. Finally.
Not much else to say, really. Been visiting Trevor as much as I can. Man, I miss him. I miss our weekends of sitting around doing nothing and watching silly movies. Hopefully he'll be out soon, and can find a place to live that isn't filled with drama and Natalie (same thing, really). At the moment I'd still be more worried about him if he was back at his place then if he stays in the hospital for a little longer. That's just a little sad, you know?
Fake Mustache is coming up soon! Crap, there's only a month left of summer. Actually, that's pretty exciting. I can't wait for school.
happyfish: (drag!Snape)
So today I cleaned out almost the rest of my girly clothes. It was weird, because I felt a pang throwing some of them on the floor. I liked being a girl, sometimes. I liked being able to be pretty, but even as I admit that I know that I can't do it anymore. Summer seems to worsen my relationship with my body. Maybe it's the heat, and the fact that I can't hide under layers of clothing as easily as in winter. Maybe it's because my parents are back and throwing terms at me like 'she' and 'young lady.' I had to get into a fight with them to get them to call me by my chosen name. Apparently it was too much to assume that they'd understand I want to be called Jasper after I legally changed my name to Jasper and then got all my friends and coworkers to call me by that name. Apparently I still needed to tell them to call me Jasper because they couldn't read my mind, now could they?
It was rather frustrating.
Today Dad mentioned when Ben and Amanda start having kids. He talked about me being an aunt. I don't want to be an aunt! And I don't mean that in the way that I don't want my brother to have kids, 'cause that'd be kind of sweet. I just - Auntie Jasper? It's rather nauseating. I'd love to be a crazy uncle, or something. But sometimes I wonder if they'll even want me near the kids.

Sorry, self-pity moment there.


It's hard, with the parents here. I mean, it's easier in some ways - they make suppers and help clean and it's sometimes nice to not be the only person in the house for hours at a time. But it's also hard. I liked being independent. I liked not getting nagged at every day. I liked having the majority of the people I talk to use the right pronouns, and the right name, and just - you know, understand. That's kind of sweet. I'm dreading Tuesday, and the rest of the next week and a half or so. I haven't seen most of the relatives that are coming in about five years. I'm not who I was five years ago. Hell, I'm not even who I was one year ago. I don't want to have to explain myself to people. I don't want to be the scandal of the wedding. I don't want to be surrounded by people who call me she and ben's sister and sharon's daughter and oh, what a nice young woman you've turned out to be! Because then I might have to go throw up on someone and that won't be pretty. I already feel on edge as it is. The wedding isn't going to make anything better.

Sometimes it's hard being the black sheep in the family.

So, uh, anyone want to hang out sometime? I need contact with the real world like whoa.

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happyfish

June 2010

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