happyfish

Exams ended tuesday, with the paper two psych exam that was easy and only an hour long. Overall, the exams were good. The only one I really can't tell about is English, and that's cuz I can *never* tell how good I do on a written exam. If I think I did good, I do bad, and vice versa. So I don't think about it, say it went ok and then move on.
Somehting bad happened about a week ago. A friend of mine was in a car accident and died. I didn't really know her that well, I knew her sister better, but don't even know her that well either. Still, it's the closest thing I've been to death, and I'm very confused. Sometimes I feel sad, but other times I don't feel anything at all. I don't know how to feel. If she were closer, I'd feel worse and know that I should, but I only saw her at concerts. *sigh* she was only thirteen or fourteen years old. If i think about it too much, I feel like crap, like now. I hurt mostly for her sister though, and others that were closer to her than I. Anne from the band said that she knew her from when she was very little, and her eyes were filled with tears when she said it. I couldn't look at her. I haven't said anything to her sister (the one who's still alive) either. I just don't know what to say. I watch her. She seems to be doing alright, but her voice is filled with pain when she speaks, as though the tears were just beneath the surface.
They probably are.
This is mixed with the fact that I'm now counting my 'lasts' and the weeks until I leave. This is my last band concert, or my last DWTA, or something. I almost feel that I can't wait till I leave so that I can leave the death behind me. I know that it won't seem as real in Canada, away from everyone connected to her. Graduation is such a scarey thought. I still want to leave, though. Things have changed. I have changed a lot. I guess I've discovered what I believe about death, but sometimes I just remember the last time I saw her, and she was laughing over a bad performance, and can't believe she's gone.