blarg

Mar. 17th, 2010 11:19 pm
happyfish: (More Sex than Me)
I'm this strange combination of lonely and irritable. I want to be around people, and held, and yet being around people annoys me. Maybe it's just because I went to a pub after practice tonight, and was thus surrounded by a large number of loud, drunk people. Maybe it's because I'm getting over a week of being in a hermit-funk. Seriously, if I had no other obligations for all of last week I'd just stay home - do homework or watch Doctor Who. I think I finished season three just in a week.

I don't feel as stressed out as I did when the parents were here though. Which is good. Trevor's living with me now. He came over tonight, and moving all the rest of his stuff in Saturday. It sort of happened quickly. He asked yesterday, but it's not like I can say no. I know he's been going through a tough time right now, and having a room of his own and space of his own will doubtless help him get better.

I wish it were spring. Really spring, with green grass and flowers. I'm so sick of living in a brown, dust-covered city.



Fuck I need to get laid.
happyfish: (jack slash ianto)
Holy crap, haven't updated this in ever.

I still think it's somewhat amusing that my first thought upon hearing that my niece was born with a bunch of red hair was 'Red will be pleased.' I've seen her once since she was born and she is so cute! I'm still trying to get my head around the fact that my brother has a kid, although I'm sure he'll be a brilliant dad.

My parents came back for a couple weeks to see the baby, even though she was late, and left again last Friday. I've never had them around in the middle of the semester, and it was weird. Difficult to get everything done for midterms when I'm suddenly rearranging my life around other people. Not that it was all bad. They gave me rides home from work, and once I got sick started bringing me tea trays and such. And they were pretty good about understanding that I don't like worship music and therefore not playing it around me. Course, maybe they just find that having me glowering in a corner is really non-conducive to worshiping, but you know. It works.

I've been pretty stressed out, recently. I used to have a list in my head off all the things that I was worried about, but I can't remember it anymore. Which is probably a good thing. Having the parents gone again helps a lot. And getting all of that extra sleep after falling sick also helped. Still sort of worried about Trevor, though, 'cause we were supposed to have a talk about all the shit that's going down in his life. But there hasn't been time.

Had my birthday party on Saturday. Actually, it was the weekend of birthday parties. Sherina's birthday was on Friday. Trev flew her mom in secretly on Thursday night, which was kind of the best thing ever. A group of us went to Denny's after the show, and kept Sherina facing away from the door and completely in the dark about what we were planning. I think we almost had her half-convinced that we were actually planning an orgy. She jumped so much when her mom snuck up behind her. It was great! Then I think she started crying, and Christine got it all on video, because we're sensitive friends like that.

Anyway, so Sherina had her party on Friday. We went bowling, which was awesome. Even though I had to wear women's shoes in a size five, which was sort of awful. Stupid small feet. But I didn't suck as badly as I thought I would, and actually beat Sherina's score on the second game. *gloats* Then we went back to Lyn's house to play pictionary and not get drunk.

Since Alice in Wonderland came out that weekend, obviously we had to go for my party, and obviously we had to go in costume. I didn't actually expect almost everyone to show up in costume, and awesome costumes at that. There were a lot of bemused people at the theatre, who snuck pictures when they thought we weren't looking. I was the Cheshire Cat, because I could just sort of throw it together out of stuff I had, grin really big and scare small children. Or Trevor. Same difference. Chawna and Justine dressed up as Tweedledee and Tweedledum, with corsets and spinny hats, and I think they were my favourites of the night. Especially when they found out they could make the propeller on the hats spin by running back and forth flailing their arms. XD

It was a good weekend. It's been hard trying to get back into the spin of things. Especially 'cause I had a fever off and on from Wednesday till yesterday. I missed two days of school, but think it's pretty much gone now. Just got a sore throat, which is annoying, but at least manageable.

Anyways, off to do productive things.
happyfish: (Mine)
  • So I broke up with Eric last Wednesday. It just - I'm too busy with school and everything for a relationship, let alone a relationship, and someone else. It took forever for me to get the courage to say anything, especially since he got me a V-day present, which just made me feel guilty. It went well, I think? I feel better now that it's over. As much as I'm afraid of hurting anyone, I think it's better than making promises I can't keep.
  • As a result, I was mostly single for V-day. Trev and Chawna came over in the evening. We played the Wii, made some ridiculously scary Miis, and laughed a lot. Sherina came over around midnight, and I had to kick them all out at two so I could get some sleep. It was pretty amusing.
  • Reading week! I must remember to get homework done. And try to get some stuff prepared for the Show and Sale. I will be in it this time, damnit!
  • Becoming obsessed with Dr. Who. *glee*
  • Sherina came over last night, to hang out and...stuff. ;) We were going to postpone till Wednesday, 'cause she was a little tired. Good thing we didn't! Apparently that's the day the parents come home. I thought it was Thursday. That would have been awkward. O.o
  • Sleeping in is wonderful. My eyes have stopped twitching due to fatigue.
happyfish: (Leaf on the Wind)
Right, so I should do an actual update and not just posting quiz results. Life's been hectic. School and work and Fake Mustache goodness. The show was last Thursday, and it was amazing! There wasn't a show in January, because it's always a bad idea. Everyone's either away or too busy recovering from New Year's to want to do anything. We had a pretty good crowd out, and some pretty fantastic numbers.

And I pulled a cucumber out of my pants and harassed people with it. Video to come! I'll probably also post a link to Tommy Velveeta's late show number, because it made me laugh so hard I cried. I love that man. There are over 300 videos on our youtube page now. Most of which are on my computer. It's just insane. But awesome, because I can put them on Bowie III to watch whilst stuck in transit. There's nothing like watching Roy take a flogger out of his pants on your mp3 player surrounded by commuters to start your day off on the right foot. Just sayin'.

Last night was Trevor's party to celebrate the fact that his surgery is done. I missed most of the dinner part of the evening due to work, but I got there in time to grab some yam fries and say hello to the people who weren't coming dancing with us afterwards. Then we went off to the gay bar, watched some drag queens, and danced and drank until about one in the morning. We hung out  at Bree's place until about four, talking and being stupid and generally acting like a bunch of half-drunk over-tired fools. It was grand.

I got a ride home from Sherina, and slept until 12:30. I've done quite a bit today despite that. I've cleaned the kitchen, so now I can cook in it without feeling disgusting. Also uploaded most of the videos from Thursday, pictures into my Flickr account, and I'm currently cooking a red lentil soup with coconut milk and spices that smells wondrous.

I'm going to go eat some now, I think. I'm so hungry I feel shaky and weak.
happyfish: (allo)
Winter holidays went way too quickly. It was like I'd never left the school at all. Still, I got lots of sleep in, and the down time was very much needed. It's nice to be back at school again. The parents are gone, and I've the freedom that only comes from no-one calling you constantly wondering if you'll be home for supper. :/ I must remember to relish it; they'll be back again soon enough.

Trev had his surgery last week. Actually, almost everything ended up happening on the sixth. Kait left, my parents left, it was the first official day of school, AND Trevor had his surgery. I think I went grocery shopping. Maybe. I'd said good-bye to Kait the day before, after spending most of the afternoon at the Blue Howse. It was weird to see all the artwork gone and her bedroom almost completely empty. Sad. Still, I managed to not cry, neither when we were actually saying good-bye, nor at work afterwards. So that was good. Saved my man-steriour and all. XD

I went over to Lyn's on Sunday, to talk about something she wants to work on, and to see Trevor for the first time since his operation. It was his chest surgery, so now he's pretty much done his transition. I am both really happy for him, and kind of jealous. It's a little scary, too, 'cause he says it's the most pain he's ever been in, and he's been in a LOT of pain before. Not looking forward to that part of my surgery, but it'll be so worth it in the end.

But, I digress. I hung out at Lyn's all day Sunday, pretty much. Got to see Trevor's chest once most of the people left (which looks fucking awesome!), and had some really good conversations with Lyn. Sherina drove both Trevor and me home that evening, 'cause we were both going up to Edmonton stupid early the next day. I baked a batch of cookies, which apparently makes me look like a mad scientist, and then went to bed sometime around midnight.

I woke up at five. It wasn't pretty. Hobbled around and got ready to go, and then Laura picked us up at around six. We made pretty good time: my appointment was at ten and we were there at nine-thirty. Though poor Trevor felt every single bump on the road. I was pretty nervous once we got to the waiting room. This was the day that I could get my referral in for chest surgery. I was pretty certain I'd get it, but still. This was big. It was alright once we got in there. He asked a lot of the same questions that he did before. Carol was there, er...she's and intern or something? Anyway, she'd never met me before, so she had a few questions, too. Then he asked me if I had any questions, and I said I wanted a referral for surgery.

He said sure. Which is just starting to sort of sink in. I got my referral! I am one step farther along! It's kind of crazy. XD

I booked my next appointment, and then we bummed around for a bit. Trev had to get his drain tubes out in the afternoon. Which he did, and I filmed part of, though the nurse was crabby and wouldn't let us film most of it. I called in to work, saying that there was no way I could make it to work on time, since it was three by then and I had to work at six. Then we drove home.

Not much has happened since then. Been doing lots of thinking. My internet is down; I'm using one of my neighbour's networks. Sh! Don't tell them. I called Telus today, but I can't get a new modem without the account number. And OF COURSE my parents threw out all of the old bills so I don't have it. So I'm ticked off, 'cause this connection sucks and I'd rather use ours. You know, IF IT WORKED.

Anyways, I should go off and do homework like a good student. Just thought I'd try and catch up a bit.
happyfish: (allo)
Best part of my day:

Trev: Wait, aren't eggs dairy products?

Trevor and I went to go see Coraline today. Which was super fantastic awesome. Well, cute girls with blue hair, where can you go wrong? lol. I need to read more Neil Gaiman, I think. Generally an unproductive day. Craig, the security guy in charge of photo IDs was not there again. Otherwise I'd have a new ID by now. *sigh*

I have raisin bread. It's yummy.

happyfish: (Vincent)
  • write AHIS midterm paper
  • begin research for AHIS term paper
  • reread 'The Yellow Wallpaper'
  • email Chris about second English assignment
  • create FBRE presentation
  • finish survival garment
  • begin brainstorming Wunderkammern (or however you spell it) project ideas
  • read MYN bylaws
  • practice for FM
  • return library books
  • go grocery shopping
  • look into Show and Sale?
  • get a new student ID card
I'm also hanging with Kait on Thursday (glee), and I want to drag Trevor to a movie or something. Perhaps Coraline. We'll see. It looks interesting, and I'm always a fan of stop-motion animation.

The next couple of months are going to be insane.

Ramblings

Feb. 1st, 2009 01:15 pm
happyfish: (snape in lingerie)
Rocky Horror was fun. For the first time, ever, I didn't go in costume, or bring any sort of props. My stomach's been bugging me again, although it's not bad right now, and I was feeling lazy and irritable right before I left, so I just shoved my knitting and binder in my backpack and went of to Trevor's. I don't think I can handle being in a corset anymore, at least, not one that emphasizes the fact that I have tits. I might try to figure out how to make a man-corset by March, one I can bind in. (Trevor was relieved that he didn't have to see me running around in my underwear all night. I admit, it would have been amusing just to see his reaction to my outfit, if I'd have been able to force myself into it). Also, I've lost my garters, which is rather annoying.

Lazed around for most of yesterday, watching Star Wars (Episode IV) at the Tranny Shack. Man, I haven't seen that movie in ages. Sara suggested that a group of us go as over-sized Jawas to the Comicon in April, which would be pretty wicked, and not that hard to do. Then I went home, ate actual food, and went out to buy groceries from T&T.

Got a message from Trevor today. He's back in the hospital. He was feeling pretty shitty yesterday, and said he might go to the Foothills to see if they could do anything. I'm a little less worried than last time, but I had no idea what was going on, what was wrong, or when he'd see a doctor. At least now I know he's in a bed, and should be on some pain meds. And if he isn't, I'm going to go kick some hospital staff ass, because they shouldn't fucking leave my boy in pain. *growl*

Show on Thursday. I'm excited and somewhat dreading it. It should be good, though.

It's been two years since I started questioning my gender. Two years. It seems longer, somehow. I'm a lot more comfortable in my skin than I was then, but it's taken pretty much all of those two years to get me there. I've finally come to the conclusion that I'm really, really not actually that fine not passing as male. I was afraid that, since my gender identity is pretty fluid, maybe I would regret transitioning because what if I looked male but started feeling less than male? Could I deal with that?

Apparently, the answer was yes. Everything that I am or was afraid of about transitioning doesn't seem as important now. I know most of it is just the little voice in the back of my head telling me that I'll never be masculine enough to pass as male. Since I already can pass as male a lot of the time, I know that's a lie.

I think it's kind of funny that I'm off to go dye my hair pink now.

Also, do I really have to be hungry all the time? Seriously, what's going to happen when I start T? I'm never going to stop eating.

happyfish: (rose tint my world)
The tuition scare was a false alarm. They sent me the letter before they switched my status over to 'sponsored student.' So everything is good, and I can buy groceries and stop panicking about my bank account.

What is it with Fridays? There are four things going on, that I know of. I'm going to try to go to two of them (RHPS at school, and then the farewell-to-Niq's-tits party), but we'll see how it goes. Is it still bad that I miss Trevor after not seeing him for half a week? I'm looking forward to this weekend so much, especially because my English paper will be done by that point. I should be working on it right now. Ahaha. Yay procrastination!

(Well, actually, I'm waiting for supper to be ready, and then I'll start working on it. Only five hundred words. I'm probably not as nervous as I ought to be.)

(I'd rather be watching Torchwood. >.>)
happyfish: (allo)
Fibre and Mixed Media (FBRE212) - Seems like it will be challenging, but fun. It will be nice to work in three dimensions once more, and to have a class where making garments is something required instead of something I sneak in. I already have an idea for my survival garment, which makes me feel somewhat dorky, because it's the second or third project. I don't really know anyone in the class, something I find kind of strange.
English is still bizarre but entertaining. I finally bought all of my required texts. 'The Yellow Wallpaper' is another story in the book, and another one that I read in high school. Kind of makes me wonder if my high school was crazy challenging or something. *scratches head*

Am hanging out with Trevor tomorrow! Yay. :)

I dunno. Life is good.

happyfish: (Vincent)
First day of classes today. ACAD200. Seems interesting, although I can' t say much more from just the first class. We'll see. It also seems like a lot of work, but I'm going to be learning stuff I know I need to know in order to be a working artist. I want to go to gallery openings now.

I saw so many people tonight that I haven't seen in months. Eric. Heather. Red. Well, Caitlin, Melis and Lauren I saw (albeit briefly) yesterday when I went to go pay my tuition. But still. It doesn't even feel like I've been out of school for as long as I have. It just feels like we've had a long weekend. I love school. It feels like home. I need to do some serious hanging with people, though. Like, crazy hanging out.

Silkscreening tomorrow. I'm excited! And then there's Fake Mustache, of course. Which should be interesting, considering I have to bring all my drag stuff to school. It'll just be my luck to carry all of my crap to school only to have my instructor dismiss us early. But we'll see. And I'd rather be safe than sorry.

And if there's any sort of drama tomorrow night I'm going to be rather unimpressed. I don't see why people think they can treat my best friend like shit and I'll still be friends with them and act like they didn't do anything wrong. I don't know. There's been a lot of immaturity going on. I don't want to bring any of it up; who needs more drama? But I'm kind of getting sick of it. Grow up people. We're not in fucking high school anymore.

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happyfish

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