happyfish

Tomorrow is the one-year anniversary of my overdose. Some part of me still can't believe it happened. That it was really me who did those things. I can't forget, though. Forgetting means that I won't remember how bad it was. Forgetting means that there's a chance I might do it again.

I am so fucking happy to be alive right now. I don't think I ever expected to be here, either. I'm stressed out, yes, but I'm not burnt out. I know how to deal with the stress and not let it overwhelm me. I love the work that I'm doing, even when it frustrates me. I know that the frustration just means that I've things still left to learn.
I have a caring and supportive family. They frustrate me, too. A lot. But I know we all love each other, and that they're trying their hardest to be the best parents they can, even when I think they could be better.
I have amazing friends. Amazing mind-blowing friends. They're my family too, in a way. And they can support me in ways that my bio-family isn't able to. They've accepted me whole-heartedly as I am, which is a gift I never, ever expected to receive. A gift that still makes me want to cry, even now. They've made stupid jokes and make me laugh and laughed at my stupid jokes in turn. They've seen me at my worst and didn't care. They've seen me make really stupid decisions and didn't think any less of me. They've listened when I needed to talk, and let me cry when I needed to cry.
There are so many things to be thankful for. So many things that make life worth living. Some things are simple, like cuddling my cat. Others I don't know if I'll ever be able to express fully.

My life is my own. My life is a gift. I control my own destiny. A year ago I didn't think I had a future worth trying for. Right now, the future looks pretty damn good.

And I love you all. Just sayin'.