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So yesterday was Ally's 18th birthday drunken stripperfest dancing hooha whatever. We met at Ally's at six-thirty and promptly started drinking. And trying to throw grapes down Emily's shirt. Fun. Though I think Ally drew a Venus symbol ( D:) on my head in glow-in-the-blacklights hairspray, but it didn't end up showing anyway so it was fine. Probably wouldn't have looked like anything even if it had showed up. Blobbish, you know. The only thing that actually glowed was the bit that ended up getting on my pants. So I had this glowy white stuff on my inner thigh whilst at the strippers. >.o
I got pretty drunk last night. And it took three drinks and less than ten dollars because I am a cheap drunk. I spent three times the amount of money getting home in a cab, because by the end of the night I was hanging out with this chick named Kendra and another whose name I can't remember for the life of me, and everyone else had ditched. Taking their roadbikes or minivans with them. 'Course, Ally got kicked out of the club at eleven for being too drunk. And I was going to buy her a drink, but I guess I can wait until we do something like this again.
The dancing was awesome. :D
Still haven't gotten a hangover, which makes me really, really happy. Though Dad called at nine or something and left a message saying Mom was on the plane and could I be sensitive when she came and not bring up 'my situation' because she was going to be tired? He called again later and explained which made me somewhat less hurt by it all. No mention of the drunken stripperfest. At all. Though he must've known I didn't get hammered or anything because I was eating breakfast when I was talking to him.
Mom's coming home in less than five hours. I am...anxious. I haven't seen her since Christmas, and I was very much in the closet then. The house is very very clean, because if she can't be proud of me for anything else, at least I'm a good caretaker.
...
Fuck.
You know, I'd be somewhat better about all of this if it didn't end up hurting the people I care about. And as much as I can tell myself that everything would be worse if I tried not to admit anything and tore myself up from the inside, it doesn't help. At all. And saying "Gee Dad, I may be trans and planning to totally rearrange my hormones/how I look, but at least I'm not suicidal. :D" can't be that comforting to my parents either.
I got pretty drunk last night. And it took three drinks and less than ten dollars because I am a cheap drunk. I spent three times the amount of money getting home in a cab, because by the end of the night I was hanging out with this chick named Kendra and another whose name I can't remember for the life of me, and everyone else had ditched. Taking their roadbikes or minivans with them. 'Course, Ally got kicked out of the club at eleven for being too drunk. And I was going to buy her a drink, but I guess I can wait until we do something like this again.
The dancing was awesome. :D
Still haven't gotten a hangover, which makes me really, really happy. Though Dad called at nine or something and left a message saying Mom was on the plane and could I be sensitive when she came and not bring up 'my situation' because she was going to be tired? He called again later and explained which made me somewhat less hurt by it all. No mention of the drunken stripperfest. At all. Though he must've known I didn't get hammered or anything because I was eating breakfast when I was talking to him.
Mom's coming home in less than five hours. I am...anxious. I haven't seen her since Christmas, and I was very much in the closet then. The house is very very clean, because if she can't be proud of me for anything else, at least I'm a good caretaker.
...
Fuck.
You know, I'd be somewhat better about all of this if it didn't end up hurting the people I care about. And as much as I can tell myself that everything would be worse if I tried not to admit anything and tore myself up from the inside, it doesn't help. At all. And saying "Gee Dad, I may be trans and planning to totally rearrange my hormones/how I look, but at least I'm not suicidal. :D" can't be that comforting to my parents either.
