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So...snow. White. Softness. Alone, again. Ben's gone out to youth group and he probably won't be back until the small hours of the morning. He sent me a text message at work saying he wouldn't be able to pick me up, so I went shopping after I was done. The clothes in the new apparel department are nice, but they're all cotton, or cotton-ish fabrics. Nothing for this kind of weather. Also looked at trying to find a new pair of gloves, since I lost one of mine last last Tuesday after swing. The fingerless glove/mitt combination would've been good, if they weren't men's gloves and the thumb about an inch too long. Pity I'm not a man. Then I could pee standing up.
I've finally got the yarn for my Gryffindor scarf, and have discovered how dismal my knitting skills actually are. I also think that my knitting needles are too big, which may explain some of the general crappiness that is my knitting. Alone, bored. Supper was kraft dinner that Ben left on the stove, because I was too lazy to make something that somewhat resembles food. So I've eaten a quarter of a chocolate bar, but I still feel somewhat strange. Maybe it's the snow, the light, the lonliness. I don't know. I've been feeling weird for a while now, I think. It was worse last night. I couldn't sleep, and I just felt - full, of something. Strange. Sort of felt like distroying something, but not out of anger, just out of a general restlessness. Unfulfilment. Perhaps I need an electric toothbrush. Perhaps I need help. Who knows? Not me. I almost wish this feeling would go away, but I don't remember what normal was like. Maybe it's worse.
I should clean something. If it doesn't make me feel better (not that I'm feeling particularly bad or anything), at least then the kitchen will be clean, and smell less like there's something rotting in the fridge. Still trying to figure out what that is. Maybe it's just leftovers from the things that used to be rotting in the fridge, but are now rotting somewhere else. Still alone, and bored. I want to do something productive, but I also don't. I'm trying to figure out if the not-wanting is as strong as the wanting. If it isn't, then I may actually get something done today.
I've finally got the yarn for my Gryffindor scarf, and have discovered how dismal my knitting skills actually are. I also think that my knitting needles are too big, which may explain some of the general crappiness that is my knitting. Alone, bored. Supper was kraft dinner that Ben left on the stove, because I was too lazy to make something that somewhat resembles food. So I've eaten a quarter of a chocolate bar, but I still feel somewhat strange. Maybe it's the snow, the light, the lonliness. I don't know. I've been feeling weird for a while now, I think. It was worse last night. I couldn't sleep, and I just felt - full, of something. Strange. Sort of felt like distroying something, but not out of anger, just out of a general restlessness. Unfulfilment. Perhaps I need an electric toothbrush. Perhaps I need help. Who knows? Not me. I almost wish this feeling would go away, but I don't remember what normal was like. Maybe it's worse.
I should clean something. If it doesn't make me feel better (not that I'm feeling particularly bad or anything), at least then the kitchen will be clean, and smell less like there's something rotting in the fridge. Still trying to figure out what that is. Maybe it's just leftovers from the things that used to be rotting in the fridge, but are now rotting somewhere else. Still alone, and bored. I want to do something productive, but I also don't. I'm trying to figure out if the not-wanting is as strong as the wanting. If it isn't, then I may actually get something done today.
