happyfish: (allo)
Winter holidays went way too quickly. It was like I'd never left the school at all. Still, I got lots of sleep in, and the down time was very much needed. It's nice to be back at school again. The parents are gone, and I've the freedom that only comes from no-one calling you constantly wondering if you'll be home for supper. :/ I must remember to relish it; they'll be back again soon enough.

Trev had his surgery last week. Actually, almost everything ended up happening on the sixth. Kait left, my parents left, it was the first official day of school, AND Trevor had his surgery. I think I went grocery shopping. Maybe. I'd said good-bye to Kait the day before, after spending most of the afternoon at the Blue Howse. It was weird to see all the artwork gone and her bedroom almost completely empty. Sad. Still, I managed to not cry, neither when we were actually saying good-bye, nor at work afterwards. So that was good. Saved my man-steriour and all. XD

I went over to Lyn's on Sunday, to talk about something she wants to work on, and to see Trevor for the first time since his operation. It was his chest surgery, so now he's pretty much done his transition. I am both really happy for him, and kind of jealous. It's a little scary, too, 'cause he says it's the most pain he's ever been in, and he's been in a LOT of pain before. Not looking forward to that part of my surgery, but it'll be so worth it in the end.

But, I digress. I hung out at Lyn's all day Sunday, pretty much. Got to see Trevor's chest once most of the people left (which looks fucking awesome!), and had some really good conversations with Lyn. Sherina drove both Trevor and me home that evening, 'cause we were both going up to Edmonton stupid early the next day. I baked a batch of cookies, which apparently makes me look like a mad scientist, and then went to bed sometime around midnight.

I woke up at five. It wasn't pretty. Hobbled around and got ready to go, and then Laura picked us up at around six. We made pretty good time: my appointment was at ten and we were there at nine-thirty. Though poor Trevor felt every single bump on the road. I was pretty nervous once we got to the waiting room. This was the day that I could get my referral in for chest surgery. I was pretty certain I'd get it, but still. This was big. It was alright once we got in there. He asked a lot of the same questions that he did before. Carol was there, er...she's and intern or something? Anyway, she'd never met me before, so she had a few questions, too. Then he asked me if I had any questions, and I said I wanted a referral for surgery.

He said sure. Which is just starting to sort of sink in. I got my referral! I am one step farther along! It's kind of crazy. XD

I booked my next appointment, and then we bummed around for a bit. Trev had to get his drain tubes out in the afternoon. Which he did, and I filmed part of, though the nurse was crabby and wouldn't let us film most of it. I called in to work, saying that there was no way I could make it to work on time, since it was three by then and I had to work at six. Then we drove home.

Not much has happened since then. Been doing lots of thinking. My internet is down; I'm using one of my neighbour's networks. Sh! Don't tell them. I called Telus today, but I can't get a new modem without the account number. And OF COURSE my parents threw out all of the old bills so I don't have it. So I'm ticked off, 'cause this connection sucks and I'd rather use ours. You know, IF IT WORKED.

Anyways, I should go off and do homework like a good student. Just thought I'd try and catch up a bit.

whee!

Oct. 8th, 2009 12:02 pm
happyfish: (Fall)
So the show last Thursday was awesome. There were lots of people there, and the numbers were wicked. So much fun! I decided not to go to Denny's afterward and go home instead.

Not much exciting is happening, really. I've been spending almost all of my free time doing schoolwork. Soul Patch isn't doing anything in the November show (because we need to do Thriller at Rocky Horror, which I'm probably not going to). Which means there aren't any drag practices to worry about. It's sort of good and yet the socializing was kind of nice too. Not being on the board is so liberating, though. No regrets there.

I went to go see Glenn yesterday for the first time in months. And it was really cool. I filled out a survey when I got there about what I wanted help with (ie housing, work, mental health stuff). And there's nothing, really. Even with being completely stressed out, I'm still managing to handle everything. A year ago I still wasn't doing that well, honestly, but now I'm fine.

Pretty cool, actually.

And I think transitioning has a lot to do with it. It's just this weight off of my mind:  I don't have to worry about whether I'll regret it or not, even though I think I always knew that it was something I wanted to do. I'm just so much happier now.

I lost my bus-pass today, which is annoying. Stupid bus-driver bitched at me for taking too long, too. Not a great start to the day. Meh. Hoping I can get a new student ID from school before the day's out. I really need to go run errands now.

happyfish: (Fall)
Gah! Busy. Tuesday was my Warneke appointment. Managed to get a ride up there with Laura, and the baby didn't cry as much as he could have. Eric went too, so he could book an appointment. I don't know who we're going to drag up next, we're sort of running out of Calgary transguys. xD Anyway, the appointment went well. It was sort of unexciting, really. Pretty much just me talking about my past and how I knew I was trans and stuff. Which I've done before, with that one psychiatrist I went to, and counsellors and stuff. I'm contemplating coming up with a song and dance about my gender history, just for interest's sake. And because it would be funny.
Wednesday  I ran errands like a madperson all morning, and then talked to my parents for a bit. Finally told them about going to Edmonton, and the possibility of surgery. There was about five seconds of complete silence when I told them, and I don't think they're really all that happy about it. They aren't saying anything though. Only comments about how they're glad I actually told them now instead of sending them an email six months from now.
Then Kait picked me up and we went to go see 9. Which was a completely awesome movie, btw. Some of the characters were so cute! I dunno. I've read a couple of lukewarm reviews about it, and Trev says the plot was 'unorganized' (whatever that means). I thought it was kind of brilliant.
Drag practice that night. We're getting ready for the Halloween show, which apparently involves a lot of twitching on the floors. And Thriller. We haven't even started learning Thriller yet. oh wells.
oh! And I made a fan page for Soul Patch. Because it's amusing.
Yesterday I went to another of Sarabeth's Jewellery classes, because I'd missed mine on Tuesday. I really don't want to get behind in this class, because I really don't know anything. Oh gods, the learning curve. Managed to actually get some work done on my samples, and learn a fair bit. I feel a lot better now than if I'd just stayed home. Better than about my drawing class, which I still haven't gone to. I got about half and hour of sleep Sunday night, so I skipped class. It might not have been the best idea, but I couldn't imagine trying to pull a fifteen-hour day off of no sleep. Without dying horribly.
Fibre today! And then work. oh work. James filled out a recommendation for me for Community Natural Foods. If I get the job, it's $11/hour, with 25% off of groceries. Which would be kick-ass. And plus I actually know a bit about natural foods and vegetarianism (etc) anyway, which is more than I can say about the products at Home Depot.

Good News!

Aug. 28th, 2009 03:29 pm
happyfish: (Yay)
So I went to Edmonton the day before yesterday with James and Sarah and Trevor and Sasha. I now have an appointment with Warneke in mid-September, which means I can actually start the process for getting approved for chest surgery.
Whoo!
Now all I have to do is find someone willing to drive me up there.

Also, my parents are gone for a couple of days because of my cousin's wedding. The quiet is nice.
happyfish: (Leaf on the Wind)
Life's been quiet recently. Hard for it not to be, really, what with me still being unemployed. I'm not sure if there's anything I can do about that. I know the job market is pretty dead, and that it takes forever sometimes for people to call you back for interviews and the like. Still, the lack of money and activity is making me a little anxious at at times. My original plan was to take August off just to relax, but I'm pretty sure I'm not going to do that anymore. I've had plenty of relaxing. It would be nice to save up a little bit of money.
So I've been lazing around, being slothful. Reading lots of books, cuddling the cat, starting a handful of projects that I work on sporadically. It's weird, but I never feel as motivated in my art when I'm not in school. As soon as I have a ton of school projects that I absolutely need to get done, all I want to do is work on projects that have nothing to do with school. My brain, it is strange sometimes.
My parents keep making hints that I ought to apply again at Superstore. Which I'm sure I will, once I get back from Vancouver. I'm really excited about this trip. I haven't left the city in I don't know how long, and road trips are awesome. I'm pretty sure that they're even awesomer when they're with cool people who aren't my parents and who aren't going to play Christian music.
Leaving the city will probably help prevent me from panicking too much about the Homo Hop. Realize that this is the first event that I have ever organized, and even thought I'm organizing with the help of two wonderful people, sometimes I feel completely unprepared. I've started having dreams about it. Kind of lame, even if they aren't bad dreams.
Busy day today. I woke up at seven for the first time in weeks, which was sort of miraculous. Helped Red move a little bit until they started moving furniture and then ran off to Laura's for a Homo Hop planning meeting. And to make faces at Koda, who is ridiculously cute, ohgod, and likes to stare blankly at fauxhawks and chew on fingers. Fortunately not my fingers. Jen and I ended up both wearing plaid shorts, which was amusing. Then I ran home to relax for a bit before Kait picked me up and we went off to the parent's place for steaks.
Mmm...steaks...
I finally got to officially meet Clare in real life and not online today. She's super nice and the accent is cute. Kind of grateful that I like her, because otherwise the ride to Vancouver would be really interesting, and not in a good way. She and Kait ran off to go see Peaches, and I ended up spending most of the evening hanging out with Kait's parents, Shannon and Julian. Which involved watching the kitten get stuck in the tree twice, and lots of talking. I'm not sure if I've ever enjoyed hanging out with a friend's parents before. Even with Caro's mom, there was always a little bit of...distance. I always felt a little awkward.
I've been on T for about a month and a half now. I am ever so slightly hairier, and my appetite is insane. Makes me feel vaguely hobbit-ish. Apparently Grannie has figured out I'm trans (due, no doubt, to my facebook profile where I make no attempt to hide anything), and seems to be quite ok with it. Which is amazing, and relieving. My parents still don't know I'm on T. I really ought to tell them and soon.


happyfish: (Yay)
So yesterday I went to go see Dr. J yet again. This time to get a referral to Dr. Warneke (the psychiatrist/psychologist/something that is pretty much the only person who gives permission for you to go ahead with surgery), and to talk about getting on hormones. The snow kind of worked in my favour - there weren't a lot of people there. Who wants to trek through a bunch of snow to sit in a waiting room for a couple of hours? Dr. J gave me the referral, and a month's worth of T samples. I might go on the shot in a month once I run out, since I don't have a lot of income and I'm probably going to spend all of my extra money on food now. Still. omg! I'm on T! I almost cried, but didn't. Also refrained from dancing in public on the way home. Too much.
*flail!*
This has been kind of the best week ever.
happyfish: (Cherry blossom)
So, uh, it was our cieday yesterday. Go figure. Either that or it's tomorrow. I can't remember. Apparently I celebrated last year on the seventeenth, though in my head I thought I met Thal on the nineteenth. Uh. You know, I can't remember if I didn't talk to Thal this much back when I actually went on TDF, or if this is just a recent phenomenon. Because we talk, yes, and half the time I don't notice or separate her voice from mine, and 90% of the time she's not projected. Wei just...are. And together. But there's nothing deep and meaningful anymore, though she still gives me comfort and bites my ear when I need courage. Nothing I'd want to go on TDF for and talk about. I feel sort of bad for deserting, but I also don't want to go back to say good-bye. I might, eventually, go back and become a member of the community again. See if anyone remembers me. Screw around with people's heads over pronouns, because that is what I do now, apparently.
Talked to three people about the name/pronoun change. It's surprisingly easy. Or maybe I just have awesome friends. :)
happyfish: (drag!Snape)
So. Fake Mustache last night. Amature drag king contest, which I did not win, though I'm strangely not disappointed about that. Apparently I'm getting to become a better loser, which is good to know. I was fabulous anyway. Plus I got to dance with Red. :D
I feel sort of strange right now, which probably has more to do with a lack of adequate sleep and food than anything else. I've eaten two things since yesterday at 5ish pm and they were a granola bar and an apple turnover. I'm strangely not hungry/in the mood for eating at the moment. And yeah, woke up at five this morning because my legs hurt. :( I'm not sure if they were cramping because I was an ass and didn't stretch before or after dancing, or if they were growing pains. They felt more like growing pains than anything else, but I can't still be growing. Didn't go back to sleep until 6. >.<
I want to do something. I'm tired of being so afraid of what people think, and losing approval, that I sit around and mope and do nothing. I am tired of this. I'm tired of having four names and not knowing which one I actually want. I'm tired of looking at myself in the mirror and seeing 'girl.' I want to hit something, hard, and watch it shatter. I want to change.
And, damnit, I think I will.
I swear this livejournal never used to be so angsty.

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